Having begun edging towards the zone earlier this week, my inability to reach it is turning me mad. Everything serves to thwart me, it seems.
For me, writing is very much about momentum, and this has never been better than back in June/July when I very briefly acquired the habit of belting out words at 6:30am. But, alas, when I arrived at ENDS my momentum carried me over the edge of a cliff and I plunged into a chasm of possibilities. I have lurked there ever since, occasionally finding a few hand and footholds to drag myself off the chasm floor, but I tire easily these days and have to rest at the bottom again.
All it needs is a big effort to scale the entire wall and clamber over the brink into the sunshine. But this seems to be beyond me at present. Such a climb requires undivided attention and enormous energy, neither of which appear to be available.
But such thinking is not helpful. Now is the time to find strength, determination and self-discipline. Reject distraction.
My current predicament is not helped this weekend by my work situation (as in 'paid employment'). Unfortunately, I could easily spend the entire weekend in the office. This leaves me feeling a) resentful, b) frustrated, c) guilty, d) indecisive. All negative emotions. All bad. Probably much to do with my current descent into madness.